Questions?
When I was ‘negotiating’ with Maha about trying myself at blogging, the timing of this unique opportunity was unfortunate. Maha was to be away in Las Vegas, and was willing to hand over to a ‘guest’ blog/neophyte at exactly the same time I myself am in the middle of doing a very big project: I am re-roofing my house, with only one other person to help [luckily, my helper has brawn and brains!]. Two other helpers who had agreed to come and help yesterday failed to show up.
The re-roofing project is awfully consuming, especially as my roof has seventeen different slopes [when one counts the dormers], two large six foot by three foot ’sky windows’ near the peak facing south[which flood inner rooms with light] plus two chimneys and eight ‘regular’ skylights. If that doesn’t seem complicated enough, I have decided to ‘curve’ all fascia board surfaces with a view to ‘wrapping’ all eave and rake edges [hoping to achieve more of a ‘cottage look’].
Today, its ok to have a bit of a break: the big truck has come with its boom arm and delivered to the roof some big piles of materials, all places made bare by removal of the old material have been tarped, and, well, it is supposed to rain and possibly even gullywash in a few hours.
So, here I sit with time to open a blog post. Problem is that I have not been able to surf the news and commentary much. Soooo, I will ask a question which I consider relevant to an individual’s life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and therefore ultimately relevant to the world we share.
The question is, “What are some important questions to ask of oneself?”
Yes, I know that most blogging is all about thoughts and opinions which sweep widely and are probably much more fun. But, in a very real way, ‘what to do about what we all care about’ comes down to actions or inactions by ‘we’ individuals. A common lament in the blogosphere is the lament of ‘what can we do’ about this or that important issue. I personally believe that if I am right with myself, I much more likely to be in harmony with my neighbors and fellow citizens. Besides, it is basic and important work to understand how to deal successfully with one’s own goals before there can be successful dealing with shared goals. I will start this off by offering a couple of what I consider ‘important questions’.
I used to try to get more familiar with my deeper values by asking the following, “I’ll pretend I am on my death bed and am looking back at my life……..what is it I wish I had done differently? Or what is it I wish I had done that I never did do?
Probably the most relevant question I have ever asked myself is this: ” What exactly do I do ‘to live with’ what is unacceptable?” In trying to answer that question, I have encountered a number of ‘coping mechanisms’ such as going numb, going dumb, diverting my attention elsewhere, ‘explaining away’ the problem, trying to force another to change, and so forth. Funny thing is, once I got the focus on me by asking that question, I found myself much less likely to ‘just live with’ whatever was unacceptable. Plus, it’s pretty basic: I only have control over myself and my own actions. I’d be beating my head against a brick wall to demand change in others, rather than explore change in myself. Confession, I was ‘head against brick wall’ for awhile yesterday when those guys failed to show!
Well, I could go on a lot about ‘what questions’, but I want to stop here. How about it? Is this topic of interest? I would love to hear from any others who want to formulate good questions for oneself.
I do the pollyanna thing, not all the time, but when I have to cope and things are downright depressing. I have to “look on the bright side” and just sit and think about all the things I have to be thankful for. I wish my husband would do this, I try to do it for him, but it doesn’t always work. He’s the typical American who wants everything he wants and he wants it now, and when he sees his friends and neighbors outpacing him he gets depressed about it. He doesn’t see all the things we have that they don’t. For example one of his friends has a big fishing boat, but it’s because he and his wife are unable to have children. When you don’t have kids you can afford alot more toys. I asked him if he would trade in our sons for a boat like that and he said of course not, but that is the trade off. Instead he has it in his head that he can somehow have it all, that he should have both the kids and the toys and if he can’t he should be depressed about it. I think it’s just as likely that his friend is envious of him, and would gladly trade his boat in for some children.
I try not to dwell on the past and question what I did or should have done only because I was so stupid in my teens and twenties that it is cringe-worthy to think about. I hope I’ve learned some lessons from it, but probably not. I imagine a decade from now I’ll find the things I do today cringe-worthy too. LOL
Comment by Donna in WI — June 9, 2006 @ 4:09 pm
Geez,,,hard question.My mind never stops asking questions… even when I want it to. My favorite one(with no answer) is: What is my purpose?….
As you said so well I can’t do a hill of beans about others ….all I can do about their actions is wonder why…and OMG do I ever ask why a lot.
Why would injustice bother me so much if I am not suppose to be part of the solution?Why would I see injustice so clearly if I am not suppose to do something?…Others seem to not even notice it, but the sounds of all the worlds suffering screams are all I seem to hear.. Why if I am not part of the solution?Not just me,, why do any of us see it if we are not to be part of the solution and others see nothing wrong with the world?I can’t believe I am just suppose to be a spectator .
So I guess my question to myself is what is my purpose?,and what if I don’t have one?Or what if I do and I have failed to live up to it?How do I find my purpose and get to work on it?….
Donna, please be safe on that roof…Are you close to Iowa? If so I have a man I could donate…
Comment by justme — June 9, 2006 @ 5:07 pm
Wow, Donna, Your roofing project does seem a bit ambitious. I can’t imaging why you’d tackle a job of that magnitude aside from being hard pressed for coin and couldn’t afford to contract it out.. By your description I would assume it’s not a walk-up and you’ll be fighting gravity all the way to the ridge. Given the amount of valley work, flashing work and re-working facias,I’d say you got your work cut out for yourself…God bless you and I wish you the best in your endeavor.
In answer to your question about what I would do differently while reviewing my life. I’d have to say that I devoted more time and energy to social actitivies than developing educational opportunites and foundations. And it’s now in my life were time factors in that do regret my placement of values.. I’m not one to believe I’ll be recycled or be walking on streets of gold when my days here on earth are concluded.So in that sense..everything means nothing, but while I’m here I think the pursuit of knowledge is fufilling and of value..
Comment by Swami — June 9, 2006 @ 6:06 pm
I got a question…Can God make a rock so big that even he can’t move it?
I got another one…How far is the east from the west?
and another…Do they really hate us for our freedoms?
Comment by Swami — June 9, 2006 @ 6:10 pm
I mentioned here once that I have participated as member and leader in the Socrates Cafe I helped start. I delight in your question, “What are some important questions to ask of oneself?”
In Socrates style: what makes a question important or not? What is the meat or fabric of a question? What are the differences between questions for one versus questions for us all, and what are the similarities? Are there really any good or bad questions?
In this moment my impulse is in the same direction as justme (above). My inclination is towards an answer with context that includes meaning and purpose as an individual and as a member of significant groups.
I was cruising blogs one day earlier this year and found a blog entitled “Event Horizon”. I have not found it since, but the blogger had a subheader something like: “the highest purpose for human beings is to strive to overcome our limitations.” I had great resonance with the idea.
So my learning at this step in my journey is that meaning comes from the striving to overcome my limitations as person, member, leader or co-leader. What I don’t know I work to not worry about. I am quite satisfied with sitting at the edge of the unknown with more curisoity than anxiety. I can’t know what will happen I can only gather information about what is happening.
I applaud your post Donna as I have resonance with the tenor and content of it. Barbara has seemed to be gently inviting us to begin to move our energy towards directing our thoughts and verbiage beyond outrage and righteous indignation, and into ideas and actions so as to find a way to manage significant differences (with the dreaded THEM) in ways other than punching ‘em in the nose.
Peace.
Comment by Neil — June 9, 2006 @ 6:53 pm
Bonnie, you’re doing great!
I have a roofing question: wtf is a “soffit”?
On topic: I try to ask myself, “How would I feel if my young nephew and niece knew about this thing I’m about to do/say?” I suppose this is a real-world variation on the time-tested “What if my dead grandmother could see me?”
Comment by joanr16 — June 9, 2006 @ 7:48 pm
Zheesh… Donna is doing great!!!
So sorry! Friday brain!
Comment by joanr16 — June 9, 2006 @ 7:49 pm
Donna in WI, your cringe response wouldn’t even happen unless you’d already changed and grew another perspective. Think about that.
Seems to me, Justme, [I avidly read all your comments on the Mahablog], by expressing yourself and speaking out as you do, you are right in the center of your purpose.
I am a couple hundred miles from Iowa, so I guess that’s too far to send a donated man. But thanks for your thoughts.
Swami, I love your questions…… these are really tough questions you ask yourself! Just wondering, have you given yourself the answers?
Comment by Donna — June 9, 2006 @ 8:18 pm
joanr16, a soffit is the underside of a roof overhang.
Comment by Donna — June 9, 2006 @ 8:24 pm
Neil,
Nice to see you back! You might remember that you mentioned that Socrates Club to me personally when I was posting here under the name Samiam. (I left for awhile and then came back as Sam.) And I do believe you’re right in sensing that maha is leading her blog just slightly closer to the “Middle Way.” (Buddhist, you know.) At least that’s what I felt when I returned here. (By the way, I found out that our town used to have a Socrates club but it ended a couple of years ago.) Anyway, I so appreciated that sense of kindness that you projected back then.
Kmiddle, I thought you were a breath of fresh air in your comment last post - about what an incindiary business it was to fight emotionalism with emotionalism. That’s exactly what I was thinking, too, when I read the Toffler’s points. But I left it unsaid. Thanks for having the courage.
Donna - I appreciate that you’ve opened this post up as a sort of forum for us to express our questions about life and ourselves. I’ve felt some frustration at not finding an avenue (blog) which is not rigidly right or left. I’ve become more moderate as I’ve aged and I don’t like walls. I think the truth is often in the more complex middle. I can’t help questioning the status quo on both sides. I think that’s where wisdom ultimately comes from.
As for my questions about myself? I’ve always been extremely meek. I’ve had strong opinions, but have always hesitated to express them, because I dislike angry dialogue. Passionate is okay, but not when it ridicules, discounts or denigrates (or ignores) the other. So, I’ve questioned myself over the last few years - can I learn to speak up and speak my mind? What if I don’t agree with “the group?” Do I just shut up and think my own thoughts, or do I buck the trend? Thanks to maha’s neighborhood, I’ve felt emboldened to do this on occasion, even when I’ve sensed that my opinions have not always been “in line” with others. And that is something I thank you all for.
To me, life is a journey. I’ve always felt guilty that, as a US citizen, I have it so easy compared to others in this world. Sometimes I’ve felt it with true agony, sometimes with a craven sense of superstion or embarrassment. But I’ve since learned that the poorest person in the poorest corner on this planet often knows how to live a full and joyous life. That gives me hope and I’ve turned away from that guilt to focus on the joy and beauty all around us. I think of maha’s Buddha and I think of the reverence the Native Americans have for the natural world. I pay attention to how the happy and loving people in this world know how to give to others. Life is short. I don’t want to grit my teeth behind a wall, with my eyes smoldering with resentment. I want to reach my hand out when I can, using the intellect that God/evolution gave me, to see if I can help in this understanding that is crucial to our species if we are to make it in this human story of ours. If it gets bitten off, well, at least I’ll have tried. I feel secure enough now to chance it. Most people are good, no matter what religion they have or what side of the political wall they happen to inhabit. If someone has a questioning intellect, a gentle spirit, and an unwillingness to go with the herd, can one express oneself without feeling stupid, crushed or discouraged? That’s my question for myself.
Comment by Sam — June 10, 2006 @ 12:21 am
I would like to see a picture of this:
“I have decided to ‘curve’ all fascia board surfaces with a view to ‘wrapping’ all eave and rake edges [hoping to achieve more of a ‘cottage look’].”
when you accomplish the cottage look.
For an ‘old’ remodeler, your project sounds interesting. Work?? Heck yes, but interesting nonetheless.
Comment by Chief — June 10, 2006 @ 7:28 am
Sam, what wonderful comments. I love the Puma saying, “The Creator has made the world. Come see it.” How few of us seem to understand that we can have a joyful ‘purpose’ in witnessing the Creation.
Here is part of a poem [Ruth Bebermeyer] that comes to mind as I read your ‘question for yourself’:
‘Poets put in prison
because they will not kill.
Someone on the spring-time path
Crushed a daffodil.
Breath is bleeding everywhere,
Men carefully step clear.
Locked inside their private selves
Of apathy and fear.
He who’s free is he who’s bound
By some inner singing thing,
He who’s sentenced by his soul
To life, and love, and spring….”
Comment by Donna — June 10, 2006 @ 7:31 am
Swami, I have a response to your #3 comment. Yes, my doing my own roofing is partly a matter of coin, which situation [a matter of coin] is one choice I made years ago and have not regretted. For me there is great freedom in ’scarcity’ and in simply declining to be in a consumerism rat-race.
But, even more important…..I chose to do most work on my house with my own efforts because there a deep satisfaction and freedom in hands-on manifesting my own ideas about design. [Sort of like choosing to breast-feed one’s child]. I bought this house about 30 years ago [for $15,000] and today, my home is, I think, lovely, unique, and now filled with ‘my own manna’. Some projects take a very long time.
Years ago I taught myself to lay stone [Ohio blue stone]. To get to my basement laundry room, I walk down four curving stone steps to a 17x 9 foot stone floor, then down another six curving stone steps to descend to the laundry. Now, I hate to tell you how long that whole project took in all. [Each single step took about a week]. But for years now, I have been rewarded with real pleasure in just going to the laundry room. In winter, that stone is heated. It cost me about $1,800. to do a whole radiant system that would have cost some $12,000 contracted out.
Comment by Donna — June 10, 2006 @ 8:05 am
Donna, thanks for the lovely poem! A nice gift this morning. I like your reference to Puma, too.
Good luck to you on your “project of love.” It’s wonderful that you have made your place your own by your own hands. Somehow, it makes a person feel more closely connected to the natural world, doesn’t it?
I made a tipi once, on my old Singer sewing machine. My husband to be and I shaved our own lodgepole pine logs and lived in it in Wyoming. It was a lovely, sensual experience to be out there with only that thin covering (like a blanket wrapped around church poles) between us and the elements. There would be field mice parties taking place at night just before the first snows set in. And in the morning sun, the chattering squirrels would slide down the canvas with only the shadows of their little bellies and feet showing on our side. The first few nights, my husband would get lost inside when he went for a drink of water and I guide him back with my voice. (It’s hard to get your bearings in a circle in the dark, you know. We’re so dependent on angles. I’ve often wondered if that could influence a culture’s thinking!)
Anyway, all this is to say that I understand your connection to your lovely Ohio blue stone and all the other elements you’ve incorporated into your surroundings. It’s wonderful what you’re accomplishing.
Comment by Sam — June 10, 2006 @ 2:17 pm
Sam, you said, “We’re so dependent on angles. I’ve often wondered if that could influence a culture’s thinking!”
I happen to believe it does. You know that there are no right angles in any of nature except some very hard rocks! Well, I celebrated the Rockies by designing my countertop tile at 60 degree angles, but lots of other things in my house are curved now.
One of my sayings is, “Fear creates corners in our fluid reality.”
The tipi experience sounds so wonderful.
Comment by Donna — June 10, 2006 @ 10:48 pm