Why is John McCain wasting time campaigning in Iowa? And why in eastern Iowa, which is next to Illinois, which you know is in the tank for Obama? John Deeth writes for the Iowa Independent:

So, with pundits rapidly moving Iowa into the Safe Democratic column, why is McCain making his third visit to the state? The pollsters “aren’t talking to true Iowans,” said Janice Levsen of Muscatine. “He needs to show us he cares about us, because we care about him.”

So what makes an Iowan a “true” Iowan? As opposed to someone who was born and lives in Iowa but is not, you know, “true”? Is there a secret True Iowan Society?

And then there’s the matter of what’s real.

Mark Gardner of Colona, Ill. says Republicans are frustrated. “People want him to go after the real Obama.” Is the campaign getting too personal? “Only if you’re a Democrat,” says a friend of Gardner’s, who moves ahead in line before I get his name.

OK, but is Mr. Gardner a true Illini? Just askin’.

Questions are flying — who is the real Barack Obama? Who is the real Sarah Palin? Who is the real John McCain? One wonders if the candidates might shed their skins and turn into that giant bug thing from Men in Black.

The McCain campaign wants you to believe the “real” Barack Obama is a Muslim planning to put the U.S. under Shariah law. Uh, sure. You try to make Michelle Obama wear a burqa. I dare you.

Real Americans wonder why so many of us don’t see that Barack Obama is a wild-eyed radical. Well, I don’t see it because I’m in the tank for Obama. This means little nano-thingies crawled into my ear when I was sleeping and implanted an Obama microchip in my brain. Hillary Clinton tried to warn us, but it was too late for me.

Real Americans know that the real Barack Obama was programmed as a small child to enable the Soviet takeover of America. Too bad the Soviet Union collapsed before Obama was old enough to run for President and carry out the plan. Or maybe the real Soviet Union is alive and well and hiding under the ice in Siberia, ready to sweep across the Bering Strait and into Alaska as soon as it gets the radio signal?

At the same time, Sarah Palin has been lured out of Alaska, where she might have been watching Russia from her house. John McCain chose her to be veep. Is McCain in on the conspiracy, too?

It’s all starting to fit. But why is McCain in Iowa? Hmmm.

Update: More real true stuff — documented proof that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and even if he was born in Hawaii and not Kenya, he lost his natural-born citizenship status because his stepfather moved to Indonesia and … OK, I can’t follow it after that. But it’s truthy as hell.

BTW, is the video producer pulling our leg with this?