Today in Crazy

President Obama has found a brilliant resolution to the “Ground Zero Mosque” controversy. He’s giving Manhattan back to the Mohegans! Or maybe the Poospatucks; I’m not sure. And the rest of America will soon be reclaimed by the indigenous tribes, also!

I, for one, will welcome my new Delaware and Mohawk overlords. Maybe they can make some sense of whatever goes on in Albany. Good luck with that, guys.

Gary Bauer is whining that Muslims in America get better treatment than Christians. I’m serious.

CPAC is having a meltdown over the inclusion of a gay conservative group at their 2011 convention. The Family Research Council, Concerned Women for America, and some other whackjobs prominent conservative organizations are boycotting. Maybe CPAC should adopt a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

Tucker Carlton thinks Michael Vicks should have been executed. The really crazy part of this story is why anyone gives a bleep what Tucker Carlton thinks.

Gov. Bill Richardson of New Mexico is considering a pardon for Billy the Kid. I don’t think that’s crazy, actually. There is documentation that Lew Wallace, as governor of the territory of New Mexico, promised the Kid a pardon for his testimony in a 1878 murder case, and then reneged.

Now, I don’t think Gov. Richardson’s consideration of the pardon is crazy; I think it’s honoring a part of American history. The incoming governor, a Republican, says she won’t be wasting time on silliness like honoring American history. There are taxes to cut, after all.

Descendants of Gov. Wallace and also of lawman Pat Garrett, who ambushed and gunned down the Kid in 1881, object to the pardon, possibly because the pardon would tarnish their ancestors’ reputations. They say the lawyer who petitioned for the pardon has ties to Gov. Richardson, which somehow is a bad thing. Maybe the descendants and and the lawyer can meet on the streets of Albuquerque and have a shoot-out.