GOP 2016: Preseason Tryouts

Republican Party

So Mittens announced today that he wouldn’t be running for President. I’m actually sorry; I was so looking forward to seeing Mr. Privilege retool himself as a champion of the downtrodden. It would have been fun.

The  “I will not run” statement reveals a lot about the man. He has decided to magnanimously step aside and give “other leaders in the Party the opportunity to become our next nominee,” even though he believes he had it in the bag:

Let me give you some of my thinking. First, I am convinced that with the help of the people on this call, we could win the nomination. Our finance calls made it clear that we would have enough funding to be more than competitive. With few exceptions, our field political leadership is ready and enthusiastic about a new race. And the reaction of Republican voters across the country was both surprising and heartening. I know that early poll numbers move up and down a great deal during a campaign, but we would have no doubt started in a strong position. One poll out just today shows me gaining support and leading the next closest contender by nearly two to one. I also am leading in all of the four early states. So I am convinced that we could win the nomination, but fully realize it would have been difficult test and a hard fight.

I also believe with the message of making the world safer, providing opportunity to every American regardless of the neighborhood they live in, and working to break the grip of poverty, I would have the best chance of beating the eventual Democrat nominee, but that is before the other contenders have had the opportunity to take their message to the voters.

In brief, I am the superior candidate, the one America wants and needs, the one who would most likely whip whatever the Democrats nominate, but I am stepping aside to let lesser men take a shot at it, because that’s the kind of guy I am.

Mark Halperin apparently had insider information, and his assessment doesn’t make Mittens look any better. Mittens thought  he ought to run, because by golly he would make a great President, and he felt downright obligated as a patriot to jump in there and take the White House and make America a better place. It was his duty. And he could win it this time, too; he just had to persuade a few more of the little folks that he really cares about them , too, in an abstract sort of way.

On the negative side, winning the nomination would be hard, because all those other GOP candidates will say unkind things about him, and in the meantime Hillary Clinton is going to take the Dem nomination in a cakewalk and will enter the general election unscathed. Not that he couldn’t beat her, of course, but it would be hard. He’d have to fight for it. And even though he is far and away the best man and the front runner for the GOP nomination, and he felt obligated to serve his country as head of it, because nobody but him understands how to do anything.  he might lose. So he quit.

Seriously; that’s what Halperin says of Mittens’s decision, in a lot more words. What a pathetic weenie.

Compare/contrast Crazy Bill Serman’s  “I will not accept if nominated, and will not serve if elected,” which were his actual words, not the “If nominated I will not run ….” thing. His troops called him Crazy Bill, but in fact Sherman was a man who had been through hell and seen and done hard things, and he was a man with few illusions. Pretty much the opposite of Mittens.

But if Mittens truly is out … and it wouldn’t surprise me if his faux noblesse oblige called him back into the Clown Car in a few months — we may luck out and get Lindsey Graham , who is exploring the possibility of running on his sterling record of — get this, children — foreign policy.

I know. Kind of takes your breath away, huh?

Simon Maloy reviews part of Sen. Graham’s record as a foreign policy genius at Salon. For some of the senator’s more recent geniius, see Maloy’s  America’s most terrified senator: Lindsey Graham’s never-ending doomsday visions from last September.

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  1. erinyes  •  Jan 30, 2015 @8:52 pm

    Lindsey needs to find his way out of the closet first. Nothing meaner than a closet queen.

  2. Swami  •  Jan 30, 2015 @9:14 pm

    erinyes… 🙂

  3. Swami  •  Jan 31, 2015 @2:02 am

    It is mighty big of Mitt to give the other candidates a chance. Men of that character are a dying breed. Magnanimous just seems insufficient a term in describing the fullness of Mitt’s self sacrificing nature. I’m in awe of the man.
    Is it possible that we can draft him to be President?

  4. maha  •  Jan 31, 2015 @8:18 am

    Swami — Yes, I think it’s possible Mittens could be drafted to be President. In fact, it’s possible that’s his strategy — he’s waiting for the Republican Party to come to its senses, realize he is the Man of the Hour, if not All Time, and beg him to accept the nomination and save mankind.

  5. c u n d gulag  •  Jan 31, 2015 @9:46 am

    You can’t spell “magnanimity,” without a ‘Mit!’

    “‘Tis a far, far, better thing he does, than he has ever done before…”

    Future President’s will rue this day, because the White House won’t have car-elevators.

  6. moonbat  •  Jan 31, 2015 @12:48 pm

    Mitt almost won in 2012. I’m sure he’s learned from his tactical errors and more importantly, would be better at packaging himself this time. Whatever delusions the man may have, IMO he would have a good shot at winning in 2016.

    The Democrats are lucky that oil is cheap right now, otherwise the economy would be far worse than it is presently. That it’s a mess isn’t entirely their fault, and Republican policies would be far worse, but – there’s a large chunk of the public that would vote for a successful, good looking Republican businessman who is active in his church, even more now than in 2012.

    The 2014 election should’ve been a lesson for Democrats, that the public is impatient, fickle, and would readily turn to someone like Mitt in a heartbeat.

  7. JDM  •  Jan 31, 2015 @1:38 pm

    “You won’t have Mitt Romney to kick around anymore.” With the implied “And you’ll be sorry”. Nixon did it better. Romney is not just a phoney, empty suit, he’s a profoundly unoriginal phoney empty suit.

  8. c u n d gulag  •  Jan 31, 2015 @3:23 pm

    Speaking of Nixon, I detect a lot of Nixonian qualities in WI’s Governor Scott Wanker (sic).

    And Cruz is the spitting-image, both ideologically, and photographically, of Sen. “Tail-gunner” Joe McCarthy.

  9. Tom_b  •  Jan 31, 2015 @6:14 pm

    We Dems have a lot to grouse about, but we sure as hell have a deeper bench than they do, whether Clinton runs or not. Lindsey Graham? Yet another (ahem) Bush? Is Newt going throw his hat in?

  10. moonbat  •  Jan 31, 2015 @10:20 pm

    Speaking of Nixon, I detect a lot of Nixonian qualities in WI’s Governor Scott Wanker

    A couple good articles on Salon:

    Mitt’s Tricky Dick problem: Why his anti-poverty “sham” is so Nixonian

    7 right-wing demagogues who will be shoved down our throats in 2016

    That last article categorized them like so:

    Scott Walker – The Thug
    Ted Cruz – the Demagogue
    Chris Christie – the Combatant
    Carly Fiorina – the Taskmaster
    Ben Carson – the Scold
    Donald Trump – the Crook
    Rick Santorum – the Savior

    I think the characterizations are all apt, I definitely see Walker as a thug.

  11. JM  •  Feb 1, 2015 @7:58 am

    Yawn…wake me up in about 8 months when Cruz, Carson, and the Donald (I’m trademarking this for a future sitcom) make Jeb or Piyush look reasonable by comparison and Mitt will be “reluctantly” drafted to be the VP pick.

  12. Michael Sheridan  •  Feb 5, 2015 @8:53 pm

    This reminds me of…Geraldo Rivera.

    It was on June 7 of 2013 that Rivera posted this on Fox News Latino:

    There is a scene in The Lord of the Rings where my favorite character, the aging, battle-weary Théoden, King of Rohan is confronted with a profound dilemma. Determined to honor his ancient oath and ride to the rescue of his ally the besieged nation of Gondor, he is told that his forces are insufficient to defeat the enemy, evil Mordor.
    “No. We can not. But we will meet them in battle nonetheless,” Théoden answers grimly, doomed by honor and destiny to perish in what seems a lost cause. And he dies, but because of his sacrifice the good guys ultimately win

    Improbably that scene came to mind just now as I wrestled with whether to seek the Republican nomination for the Senate seat from New Jersey left vacant by the death of 89-year old, five-term incumbent Frank Lautenberg. […]

    All that as lead-in to explaining his ultimate decision notto allow himself to be “doomed by honor and destiny.” He didn’t run.