Browsing the blog archivesfor the day Tuesday, January 5th, 2016.


It’s Flat-Ass Cold in Oregon

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Obama Administration

The Guardian reports that the feds plan to cut the power supply to the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge.

A federal government official told the Guardian that authorities were planning on Monday to cut the power at the refuge.

“It’s in the middle of nowhere,” said the official, who is based in Washington, DC, and has knowledge of the planned response to the militia. “And it’s flat-ass cold up there.”

As we all know, flat-ass cold is much worse than mere damn cold. I bet at night it gets down to freeze yer pecker off cold.

“After they shut off the power, they’ll kill the phone service,” the government official added. “Then they’ll block all the roads so that all those guys have a long, lonely winter to think about what they’ve done.”

According to many reports, the food they have on hand consists of …

… a cardboard box of apples and oranges, a few dozen pots of instant ramen, 24 cans of chicken noodle soup, a similar number of cans of sweetcorn, peas, beans and chili, and 20 boxes of macaroni and cheese.

There were also three sacks of potatoes, one bag of flour, another of rolled oats, boxes of raisins, a single bag of pretzels and one granola bar.

This is not exactly the kind of high-calorie, high-fat food a bunch of men would need to keep their energy up in flat-ass cold temperatures. It’s basically kids’ food. I’m not sure what they plan to do with the flour, without shortening or baking powder or anything one might need to make anything to eat out of the flour. Perhaps they should have asked their wives or mothers what to pack.

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