Today in Crazy

President Obama has found a brilliant resolution to the “Ground Zero Mosque” controversy. He’s giving Manhattan back to the Mohegans! Or maybe the Poospatucks; I’m not sure. And the rest of America will soon be reclaimed by the indigenous tribes, also!

I, for one, will welcome my new Delaware and Mohawk overlords. Maybe they can make some sense of whatever goes on in Albany. Good luck with that, guys.

Gary Bauer is whining that Muslims in America get better treatment than Christians. I’m serious.

CPAC is having a meltdown over the inclusion of a gay conservative group at their 2011 convention. The Family Research Council, Concerned Women for America, and some other whackjobs prominent conservative organizations are boycotting. Maybe CPAC should adopt a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

Tucker Carlton thinks Michael Vicks should have been executed. The really crazy part of this story is why anyone gives a bleep what Tucker Carlton thinks.

Gov. Bill Richardson of New Mexico is considering a pardon for Billy the Kid. I don’t think that’s crazy, actually. There is documentation that Lew Wallace, as governor of the territory of New Mexico, promised the Kid a pardon for his testimony in a 1878 murder case, and then reneged.

Now, I don’t think Gov. Richardson’s consideration of the pardon is crazy; I think it’s honoring a part of American history. The incoming governor, a Republican, says she won’t be wasting time on silliness like honoring American history. There are taxes to cut, after all.

Descendants of Gov. Wallace and also of lawman Pat Garrett, who ambushed and gunned down the Kid in 1881, object to the pardon, possibly because the pardon would tarnish their ancestors’ reputations. They say the lawyer who petitioned for the pardon has ties to Gov. Richardson, which somehow is a bad thing. Maybe the descendants and and the lawyer can meet on the streets of Albuquerque and have a shoot-out.

24 thoughts on “Today in Crazy

  1. To hit some of these points one by one:
    – Manhattan to the Indians. No, just Wall Street. They seem to run casino’s pretty well. There’s a scalping vs. heads will role joke in there, but I’ll leave it alone.
    – As for Bauer, I don’t remember hearing conservatives, or Muslims, or anyone at all, whining about there being a ‘War on Ramadan.’ When you can find evidence of that, maybe I’ll start to believe you.
    – As for CPAC and the gay group GOProud: GOPRoud, meet GOPrude!
    – Tucker, do you see any inconsistancy in your shock at W. and his attitude towards the coming execution of Karla Fay Tucker, who killed people, and calling for executing Vick for fighting and killing dogs? I didn’t thing so. What’s the difference then, is it that you and she had a name in common, or that Vick is black. This enquiring mind wants to know.
    – Pardoning Billy the Kid. I don’t have a dog in that hunt, or a frog in that blender, or whatever the new lingo is, so I lean towards a pardon. But only if Butch and Sundance already got one. Until then, no pardon for The Kid.

  2. I don’t agree with Tucker that Vick’s should’ve been executed, but I wouldn’t put myself on record as citing Vick’s as an example of Christian restoration. I’m a firm believer in second chances for moral failings providing they fall within a certain parameter of humanity. Vick’s not only killed dogs…he cruelly tortured them as a punishment against their nature. To me, that’s a sick sick person and whatever demon lurked within Vick’s being to allow him to do what he did will never vacate the being where it had found a home.

    It’s wonderful that Vick is such an able football player…but that will never excuse or forgive the sickness that inhabits Vick’s mind…If you can torture an animal without conscience you’ll have no reservations about killing and torturing a person because it’s just what you feel like doing.

  3. erinyes,
    What, did we just declare war on the Nabob of Kabob and his Tabouleh tribe? Are they shawarma-ing over our borders?

    Middle Eastern food is just another Obama plot. It’s not greasy, it’s light and healthy for you.
    If you’re a real American, you’ll never touch that stuff. Get that double meat patty burger with 2 grilled cheese sandwiches as the bread. Add mayo. Has anyone seen that thing? Is that McDonalds? If not, it should be – The McCardiac!

  4. Gary Bauer is on my extreme Christian whackjob list directly below Donald Wildmon. As you might have guessed, my list isn’t compiled alphabetically.

  5. Tucker Carlson, LOL! His Daddy must be a media exec given how mny times they keep trying to resuscitate his career. At one point he did a series of speaking engagements on college campuses but students weren’t impressed and actually gave him a hard time.

    His craziness is in direct proportion to his marginalization.

  6. I admit I couldn’t get through the Gary Bauer article, I think I got the message and an overdose of whine. That pop-up of Newt Gingrich really put me off and when the picture of Ann Coulter came in to view I had to throw in the towel. You really should warn people about that kind of thing.

    I did love the bit about whitewashing the unsavory bits of Islam and its history. And you know the crusaders were a swell bunch of guys who showed such sweet Christian love when they conquered Jerusalem.

  7. Pat — I don’t have a lot of control over what gets moderated. There is software that automatically sorts comments into “OK,” “moderate,” and “flush,” and I don’t always know why.

  8. Gary Bauer should look in the mirror, maybe Christianity would get a better rap if not for fools like him (though last time I checked it don’t get near the scutiny it deserves). I can’t wait for the pictures of him with some underage boy, you know it’s coming he’s just too creepy.

  9. I’m sure Mr. Bauer has all kinds of problems because he’s Christian; I mean guys with names like Kahlil, Jafar, and Ahmed get all kinds of special treatment these days. I feel so bad for the Brads, Steves, and Edwards, all second class citizens.

    Good ‘un ‘Gulag!
    I love that Tabouleh and pita, its right up there with corned beef and cabbage,Jerk chicken,Kumamoto oysters,and coal fired pizza……(and Pozole, OMG!!Pozole on a cold night is fantastic.)

    • Does your prom picture feature a beehive hair-do and butterfly eye glasses?

      Nah, I had contact lenses then, and I’m not sure what to call the hair, but it wasn’t a beehive. I did have long white gloves, though.

  10. There was a time when bow ties were more likely to be sported by lefties. The tie is one of the few items of men’s clothing that offer some creativity. Bow ties are horizontally oriented and metaphorically egalitarian whereas the standard necktie creates the sense of a column which is a common fascist symbol. I used to wear bow ties often, never “stocks” always tied, then George F. Will and Tucker came a long and spoiled the fun. Too bad, I had just acquired the bow tie collection of a Soviet used car dealer, some cool stuff. Maybe I can sell them on eBay.

    I also read that if you want to avoid serving on a jury, wear a bow tie and you will never be selected. The world is so unfair! But, we can all thank our lucky stars that we are not Tucker Carlson.

    What’s wrong with beehives and Butterfly glasses? I think they are due for a comeback.

  11. “I’m sure Mr. Bauer has all kinds of problems because he’s Christian; I mean guys with names like Kahlil, Jafar, and Ahmed get all kinds of special treatment these days”

    I’m sure they do, at airports. train stations, borders.

  12. Swami,
    You were (are) a fine looking young buck!
    God, I remember liesure suits. My Mom got me a white-green checkered one as I was finishing High School. I absolutely refused to wear it. She insisted. I told her that if I was putting it on, I was going to kill myself in protest of something like underage Armenian sandalmakers rights in Antarctica by dousing myself with gasoline and lighting myself up like a Christmas tree at the newly built mall.
    I bet if I check Goodwill, it’s still there.
    And I remember the collars of those shirts! It’s amazing that none of us from those days plummeted to our deaths when the wind picked us up and we were zipped around in the sky’s like Sister Bertrille.

  13. Ah, the fashions of our youth. I guess I should be grateful that I can still remember them. Remember anything, for that matter. Circa 1971 I owned a beloved pair of purple corduroy bellbottoms with a lace-up fly. (Is it called a “fly” on girl’s trousers? Or only if Ms. Coulter is wearing them?)

  14. “I, for one, will welcome my new Delaware and Mohawk overlords”

    Great Simpsons reference!

    I use Kent Brockman’s ‘Hail Ants’ speech when the sound guy asks me to talk into a mic for a sound check.

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