White House Tails

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Michael Shear writes for the Washington Post reports that raccoons have invaded the White House grounds.

The National Park Service is in pursuit of one very large raccoon and several medium-sized raccoons, who have been spotted roaming the grounds around the Executive Mansion and the West Wing, a spokesman said.

“The idea of raccoons on the White House grounds give us great pause,” spokesman Bill Burton said.

Was that pause or paws?

The National Park Service has put out live traps, but to no avail. Local critter trapper Tim McDowell says the NPS probably is using the wrong cages, or cages that don’t smell right. McDowell has offered to catch the raccoons for free.

McDowell has already removed birds that were flying inside the U.S. Capitol, but he says that he’s always dreamed of catching a raccoon on the White House grounds.

An unusual ambition, but to each his own.

According to legend, President Calvin Coolidge had several “unusual pets” including two raccoons, a bobcat and a donkey.

They were Grace’s pets, I think. At least the raccoons were.

15 thoughts on “White House Tails”

  1. Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll catch these ‘coons for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. Bad rodents! Not like going down to The Mall and chasing pigeons and chiuauas. These raccoons, swallow you whole. No shakin’, no tenderizin’, down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that’ll bring back your support, put all your Senators on a votin’ basis. But it’s not gonna be pleasant! I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I’ll find them for three, but I’ll catch them, and kill them, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates, there’s too many lobbyists in this zipcode. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.

    (inspired by Snugz in Philly)

  3. Teddy Rosevelt had Southern Flying Squirrels as pets in the white house…. They make great pets…… even if they are just rodents.
    And no, I did not name mine Rocky.

  4. I caught a raccoon and a couple of skunks back in December. They had predated my poultry flock, cutting it in half. Since then I’ve put electric fencing on the coop.

  5. Bush would have wanted to have the head of the raccoon brought to him on a pike.

    Uh, wait until the racist’s get started with the ‘coon inside and outside the White House BS.
    Ready? Cue in 3.. 2.. 1…
    “You’re watching Glen Beck, live…
    “AAARGH!!! Illegal immigrant’s, Welfare Queens, traitor’s, socialist’s. blah, blah, blah (Spit fewing.)
    Now, what do you make of this rac… coon and the White House? Grounds I mean…”

  6. The Quint parody’s hilarious, but the thing about raccoons is… in the urban areas (like where I live, pop. 220,000) they use the sewers to get around. Seriously. So what movie would that be? Alligator? C.H.U.D.?

    Gulag, I was thinking the same thing… the white supremacist a**holes are going to have ugly, ignorant “fun” with this.

  8. I’m up here at Hot Springs, Virginia, a resort, on an annula corporate leadership meeting. (We make money, so this is ok, guys.) Anyway, earlier today someone spotted a big rat scurrying across the floor. We decided he must have missed his buss back from the Repub meeting here last weekend.Somewhere, a district is look for it’s rodent.

  9. I don’t know why they’d want to trap those creatures. Why not leave them prowling around the grounds – are they worried they’ll get into the White House trash cans?

    The real question, though, is: do they have any unpaid taxes we should know about in advance? 😉

  10. Dave S, there were real rats in the White House when the Trumans lived there. When they’d see one, Bess or Margaret would call out, “Look, Harry/Dad, there’s another Republican!”

    True story. The real Republicans of their day were more… hamster-like. It was as if the Trumans were seeing 60 years into the future.

  11. #9 I think most of the concern would be rabies. In this area, it is always a concern if wild animals are coming in close contact with humans.

  12. There’s also a big concern about raccoon roundworm, which is transmitted through the feces and has a particular fondness for human nerve matter. Damage is irreversible and can blindness, paralysis and death.

  14. No doubt the raccoons are left over staff from the Bush Administraion–most definitely rabid.

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