On the long continuum between mildly addled and certifiably psychotic, I say Montana State Representative Krayton Kerns has hit the latter end and is about to topple off into the abyss. (Hat tip Charles Pierce) On his blog, Kerns writes,
This winter, under the cloak of darkness and against Montana Code, 60 bison were relocated from the quarantine facilities of Yellowstone National Park (YNP) to the Fort Peck Reservation along the Missouri Breaks. This is the second of a four step process to crush the republic and bring our populace into perfect dependence on big governmentâ€”just as Karl Marx dreamed. If you missed steps one and two, you will likely refuse to acknowledge steps three and four, but I will explain them anyway.
According to Kerns, the first step was Bambi. Bambi persuaded us that animals deserve compassion, which established environmentalism as a religion. “Simultaneously and incrementally, government schools began promoting the religion of environmentalism until eventually state sponsored worship of the earth and creation surpassed worship of our Creator.”
Step two, the “US Senate discussed legislation to designate the bison as our national mammal, while activists quietly acquired conservation easements and commandeered Montana water rights through the Clean Water Act. The noose of federal control quietly tightened around massive tracts of Montanaâ€™s Missouri Breaks, and just as planned, 60 YNP bison appeared on the Fort Peck Reservation.” He’s talking about federal territory administered by the Bureau of Land Management, plus the Fort Peck Reservation, a reservation for the Assiniboine and Sioux nations.
In Step Three, the bison will overpopulate and stampede across the badlands or the prairie or whatever they’ve got in Montana that bison can stampede over, and then we reach Step Four:
The worldâ€™s economy will grind to a halt due to instability in the Middle East driving the price of gasoline over $25 per gallon. In desperation, America will attempt to develop the massive Bakken oil reserves of Montana and North Dakota only to learn a future leftist president has issued a moratorium on all oil exploration to protect the habitat of our national mammal, the noble, YNP-origin, American Bison. Think about it.
Think about it. I say we round up all those bison and attach ’em to giant turbines and make ’em stampede round and round and round. Who needs oil?
Seriously, I am something of an aficionado of goofy conspiracy theories, and this is probably the most awesome goofy conspiracy theory I’ve come across in a long time. There’s a kind of perverse genius to it. Kerns needs to be medicated, of course.