Morans at Sea

I’m struggling to not enjoy this too much

A leap of faith that sent an Arizona family bound for the South Pacific in a sailboat has returned them in an airplane after a harrowing ordeal at sea that saw them adrift and nearly out of food in one of the remotest stretches of ocean on the planet.

Hannah Gastonguay, 26, and her husband, Sean, 30, were fed up with abortion, homosexuality, taxes and the “state-controlled church” and so “decided to take a leap of faith and see where God led us,” she told The Associated Press in a telephone interview. With them were Sean’s father and the couple’s two daughters, one 3 years old and the other an infant.

A few weeks into their ultimately 91 days at sea, the Gastonguays encountered “squall after squall after squall” that damaged their boat. Originally on a heading for the archipelago nation of Kiribati near the international dateline, they changed course to the Marquesas Islands, but were unable to reach them either.

Along the way, they apparently suffered damage to their mast and, unable to set a foresail, made little westward progress.

They were down to “some juice and some honey” and whatever fish they could catch when a passing Canadian cargo ship tried to help out with supplies. But when it came alongside, it did even more damage to the tiny sailboat.

Eventually they were picked up by a Venezuelan fishing boat, which transferred them to a Japanese cargo ship, which dropped them off in Chile, where they apparently still were when the news story was written. Wait; the State Department of the evil and satanic U.S. government arranged for them to fly home to the states. I assume this was paid for by the oppressive taxes the family didn’t want to pay.

Apparently they had no experience sailing and navigating in open ocean, and they did this damnfool thing with a baby and a toddler on board, and they were heading off to an island chain that is sinking because of global warming and whose government is telling citizens to give it up and move somewhere else. Brilliant.

I loved this part —

Gastonguay told the AP that she never thought the family was going to die: “We believed God would see us through.”

If we’re lucky, maybe they will stay in go back to Chile.

21 thoughts on “Morans at Sea

  1. I doubt that the horrible public schools will be able to do much for their kids, and I hope Child Protective Services doesn’t persecute them too much for child endangerment. At least the corrupt lamestream media will probably arrange for them to get some money out of it with interviews, re-enactments and other nonexploitative opportunities to spread the gospel.

  2. Yes, because out of all of the morons in this world, Christian and otherwise, you and your little family of sea-faring feckin’ eedjit’s are precious little snowflakes that God will protect, no matter what!

    Jayzoos, the amount of egotism involved in thinking like that makes operatic diva’s and adventure film stars, look like JHS marching-band members!!!

    And guess what?
    In their minds, GOD SAVED THEM!!!
    Thus, reinforcing their belief that they’re God’s precious little snowflakes.

    It’s a self-perpetuating loop of stupidity!
    A Mobius Strip of weapons-grade “moronicity!”

    Next, the US Navy will be rescuing them from starving over-heated polar bears on an ice-flaw, because they thought Jesus told them, “West, is out. So, go North, young eedjits! Go North! Abandon all of your belongings, and follow the North Star to your destiny!!!”
    Hopefully, the US Navy won’t want to see the sweaty polar bears miss out on a nice final meal.

  3. The State Department of the evil and satanic U.S. government arranged for them to fly home to the states. I assume this was paid for by the oppressive taxes the family didn’t want to pay.

    Send them the bill. I’m tired of being oppressed by “morans.”

  4. joan,
    I’m with you!
    Send them the feckin’ bill, for payment in full.
    Let them pray for money, like most of the hypocrites in churches.

  5. A few of my Christian friends are the same way, they seem to think God follows them around all day protecting them and “giving them strength”. When they get help from the government, unemployment, disability, Vocation Rehabilitation or food stamps, God took care of them. They seem unable to connect the help with a program or policy that was the result of forethought and good policy.

    Another Christian friend seems to find himself in jail and in the court system fairly often. A couple of weeks he was up for some very serious stuff. He said, “I’ll just have to leave it up to the Good Lord.” As it turned out, that may be just what happened, or he just got a particularly good Public Defender.

    I want to ask him if he might consider making the Good Lord’s job a little easier by staying away from guns, alcohol and dodgy company for a little while.

  6. “Hannah Gastonguay, 26, and her husband, Sean, 30, were fed up with abortion, homosexuality, taxes and the “state-controlled church”

    It’s really too bad they didn’t live in an earlier time say November 1978, they could have made the journey to Guyana!

    • Seriously, if they really want to avoid all contact with abortion and homosexuality, they’ll have to stay on the boat. Wherever there are human beings, there will be abortions, legal or not, and there will be some gay folks, closeted or not.

      As far as taxes are concerned, I found a list of places with no personal income taxes. Most of these are Muslim countries (think oil wealth), but there’s also the Cayman Islands, Bermuda, and the Bahamas. So our Christian family picked the wrong ocean.

      And the U.S. may well have the least “state-controlled” churches on the planet.

    • Swami — just about any appeals court would reverse that faster than you can say Metta World Peace (now playing for the Knicks, I understand).

  7. Well, at least they had enough lack of faith to bring food with them.. I remember back in the early eighties where one guy loaded up his family and drove out into the desert with the belief that “the Lord shall provide”. Seems the lord didn’t provide. I don’t know where the miscommunication occurred, but they all ended up dead.

  8. My guess is that considering how much they paid for the boat they could have secured three plane tix to the gay/abortion free country of their choice. Since most of those would involve an Islamic caliphate of some sort I’m sure it was unappealing since the gov’t will enforce sharia. Those boats or the state dept should have just picked up the kids and left the adults to their own devices. Taking an infant on a trans-oceanic sailboat trip when you’ve never sailed goes down as, well, words just fail me as to the idiocy.

  9. God would see them through?

    I don’t even have to tell the joke, do I? Just the punchline will probably fill in the blanks. “What do you mean ‘why didn’t I help’? I sent you people in a truck, in a boat, and finally, a helicopter!”

  10. And the Lord sent forth a great Japanese cargo ship, and the Gastonguay family was in the belly of the cargo ship for three days and three nights, and the Lord commanded the cargo ship, and it vomited the Gastonguay family onto dry land…

  11. They obviously didn’t read the instructions. They should have had plenty to eat, at least.

    And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female. Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them alive. And take thou unto thee of all food that is eaten, and thou shalt gather it to thee; and it shall be for food for thee, and for them.

  12. She had the baby on the boat, in port, still not off on the trip, yet.

    The US government/embassies will NOT pay for your trip home. Even if you’re living on the street. They WILL contact your friends/family. I’ve heard rumors that they’ll put you in contact with a bank. . . .

  13. Well, I guess on some level it’s kind of romantic that two people stupid enough to think that it was a good idea to just set out across the Pacific with no sailing skills or plan were able to find each other and fall in love.

    It does squick me out though that they were able to reproduce, and that our system allows a mother to just sail off into the ocean with a newborn baby and nothing but her faith, but there ya go. Freedom. God apparently did see them through, and He works in mysterious ways, since it appears they are right back where they started. Maybe they’ll listen properly to Him this time?

    I’m still wondering how they got to the idea that US churches are controlled by the state, but I think I’d have to break my brain to understand.

    • Well, I guess on some level it’s kind of romantic that two people stupid enough to think that it was a good idea to just set out across the Pacific with no sailing skills or plan were able to find each other and fall in love.

      This would make a great tragi-comic movie, come to think of it.

  14. One of the best comments at Balloon Juice called them “Kon-Tiki meets the Darwin Awards”.

  15. PG,
    THAT is perfect!

    Though I’m sure the family never heard of the Kon-Tiki.

    And probably think that Thor Heyerdahl, is something you get when you over-exercise your heyerdahl.

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