Which Is the Real Headline?

One of these headlines is real. Guess which one?

“Titanic Docks in New York — Sinking Was a Hoax”

“To Settle Debt, U.S. Gives New Jersey to China”

“History May See Lincoln-Like Greatness in George W. Bush”

“Angelina Jolie Admits She Is a Space Alien”


22 thoughts on “Which Is the Real Headline?

  1. More potential headlines:

    Scientists foresee day when cats might quit eating birds to lose weight.

    Christians might admit soon that Jesus was a hoax.

    Global warming may cause the universe to lose a dimension. Scientists debate whether it’s length or width.

    George W. Bush may someday realize what an incompetent fool he was and then History may see Howard Hughes-like fingernail length in him.

  2. Without clicking on the “Answer” link, I’m going to guess (hopefully, futilely) that it was a headline from The Onion.


  3. You forgot the headline : “Airliner floats down Hudson River”

    Kudos to the NY river pilots who got to the scene and the airline pilot for wrastlin’ down an unpowered jetliner.

  4. I wonder what that guy was smoking and if his delusions follow him every where! ” . . . women have new found rights to education and liberation”–this is absolutely NOT true. Iraqi women under Saddam’s rule were allowed to get university educations, they only had wear a burka if they chose to. Now, they have much less freedom and live in a country that is filled with depleted uranium. George W. Bush is a baby killer and a war criminal. He is responsible for genocide and humanitarian atrocities. If history turns a blind eye to those sins, history will be nothing more than propaganda. W should live the rest of his life in shame and in prison; but, will probably not. That he is going to get off scott free is the biggest crime of all.

  5. P.S.
    The fact that there have been no terror attacks since 2001 is most likely a result of dumb luck.

  6. Methinks this stooge has the wrong Lincoln.

    He may have been talking about Jeb Lincoln, the 2nd cousin twice removed – once by police, the other by his mother – to the president.
    Jeb was a fine horse trader, and would have proved it if he had ever had a horse. His other talents lay in spitting accurately, nose-picking and reciting the alphabet up until the letter D.
    He decided to join the Confederate Army, to prove he was better than his cousin – sort of like GWB and his daddy. And like Bush, he made a bad error. He went to Canada to join us with Jeb Stuart’s forces and was shocked to find that they were in Virginia. Who could have known?
    Other similarities between Jeb and GWB are that they both married a woman named Laura. However, Jeb’s Laura was an early convert to transvestitism. He remained loyal to her/him (some say he never knew) unil his death for dropsy in 1875. Someone who really hated the SOB dropsied a rock on his cranium.

    It must be this Lincoln that the writer is trying to compare to GWB.

  7. Not Abe but Ulysses, Not Homer but Oedipus.

    Grant was an honest man surrounded by corrupt men. Bush was a lazy many surrounded by sourrupt men. These men told him he would be a greater man than his father if he would just do as he was told. His mother would admire him if he pranced about in a codpiece stuffed flight suit.

    And Bonnie, it was not dumb luck. Bush has been more destructive to our country than any terrorist group ever has. He’s working for them, very effectivily. And he isn’t done yet.

    Ship them all to the Hague

  8. Who fuckin cares what you have to say. You have drug our nation down as low as we can get. Do not try to wax poetic, you are a loser, you have lead this nation into the darkness, your greatest day was this nations darkest hour. Go fuck yourself, walk away asshole, we have had enough of you. Your a phony and a fake. Your the ultimate cheerleader, nothing to do only things to show. Go fuck yourself once and for all. All you have left is “we were never attacked” bullshit 3000 Americans died under your watch, then you sent 4200 soldiers to their death, not including over 1 million dead Iraqis. Go fuck yourself you fucking piece of shit, I hope you die a long and miserable death, and I hope your family has to watch you suffer.

    Fuck Off.

  9. In fact, only time will tell if he will be viewed as a failure or if, like Lincoln and Churchill, his legacy will grow and expand and shine in the reflected light of history.

    Shine? Yeah, when cows fly! Bush is a failure, as a president and as a man. The legacy project is working hard to try to spin Bush into something greater than the dismal failure that he is. But bush’s legacy has already been written and there’s nothing in it resembling greatness. Deception and lies and feeble excuses have never been an ingredient of greatness, nor will they find place in even a respectable showing in history. Bush is a dunce.

    Bush should know that you can bullshit people in the near term, but you can’t bullshit history.

  10. Oh yeah, one other thing about Jeb Lincoln that I forgot. He was known throughout most of the state for playing his Lute. Unfortunately, Lute was his 13 year-old male cousin thrice removed – once by the police, the second by his mother, and the third by child abuse authorities and the predecessor of the DEA – as they then existed.
    Jeb tried to learn the Viola, but his cousin Viola, 4 times removed, 3 the same as the last, and the final charge by the UJA (thought she was not Jewish, nor he), declined the honor.
    Further updates will be available upon request…

  11. On my way home from the office tonight, I started trying to imagine what future events might lead “History” to conclude that Bush was NOT the ‘worst President evah!(tm)’

    Perhaps, compared to the future President who hands planet Earth over to the human-eating aliens from another star system without firing a shot (in exchange for his life as a pampered pet and a box of Oreos) then Bush won’t seem so bad.

    Perhaps, once we’ve had a President who appoints a horse to his cabinet, puts Senators to death, and starts referring to himself as an actual god (not just personally advised by God) then Bush won’t look so bad.

    Maybe, in a future where the President imprisons citizens without charge, starts a pointless war of aggression half-way round the world, kidnaps and tortures innocent people from all over the world, authorizes a secret surveillance state, fecklessly sits by during the destruction of a major American city, and oversees a kleptocratic regime that causes the entire world economy to crater, then Bush … oh wait. Skip that one.

    Greatness in George W. Bush. Right. Sure.

  12. For a few minutes I was sure Angelina Jolie’s true identity had been revealed (and I sure miss “The Weekly World News” – space aliens were their speciality). But then I followed the link… The comments were fun, and I was cheered by one commenter who said more or less, not to fear, we’ll always have Google to set things straight. That is, unless a future Ministry of Truth actually does rewrite history.

  13. Hi MahaBarb,
    Coldn’t we give New Jersey to Angelina Jolie and George Jr to China? That would make a little more sense.

    (And Uncle dad, why don’t you say what you really think? :^)

  14. Bonnie:

    Re: there being no attacks on the US, I’d suggest that we think like a terrorist for a moment.

    You can either

    1) travel to the US under an assumed name and hope no one guesses way
    2) live under the radar, covering your tracks at every turn
    3) do some large set of criminal activities with risks all along the way, in the face of a people who would want to tear you apart if they knew what you were doing


    1) walk boldly across the border into Iraq or Afghanistan
    2) proudly tell people that you’re there to attack Americans
    3) do some set of criminal activities with people who will hide you and cover for you, because they know what you’re doing.

    Well, which would you do?

    Especially given that attacking US military units incurs a greater cost to your enemy (the US government)?

    I don’t think it was dumb luck at all; I think it was a simple analysis of what would give the most bang for the buck.

  15. LongHairedWeirdo – “More bang for the buck” is right on but since Bush’s continual and constant ‘excuse’ for satisfying his insatiable appetite for extra-legal power and his jihad aginst our entire justice system was based on his “need to keep us safe” from the ever-looming bin Laden terrorists, he’d hardly subscribe to your more-bang-for-the-buck theory. Besides, I think it would be intellectually beyond him.

    As far as the person who wrote “History is More Likely…” is concerned? Apparently, at least according to him only “If it is proven he (Bush) kept our nation safe, we will begin to see him differently (sic) as leader” automatically makes it impossible for Bush’s Licolnesque presidency to ever get off the ground. Even a master magician couldn’t pull off proving something that didn’t happen.

  16. Re: The Titanic. The day after it sank, my local paper (The Barre Daily Times, Barre, Vermont) actually had a set of headlines explaining that the Titanic had been towed safely to Halifax, with all passengers surviving. I’m presuming other papers across the country made a similar goof.
    Re: Lincoln. One thing Bush and Lincoln have in common was that both had detractors comparing their appearance to that of apes. The difference is that, in Bush’s case, it was an insult to apes.

  17. Who knows what history will show.. I think I remember at one point shrub passing a law that says his children will determine which records are made public.

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