Michelle Wolf and the White House Correspondent’s Dinner

I’ll give her a B. No one has ever surpassed the monologue by Stephen Colbert of a few years ago. But Wolf got off some good lines.

Favorite lines:

It is kind of crazy that the Trump campaign was in contact with Russia when the Hillary campaign wasn’t even in contact with Michigan. It’s a direct flight; it’s so close.

Of course, Trump isn’t here, if you haven’t noticed. He’s not here. And I know, I know, I would drag him here myself. But it turns out the president of the United States is the one p—y you’re not allowed to grab.

Republicans are easy to make fun of. It’s like shooting fish in a Chris Christie. But I also want to make fun of Democrats. Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don’t do anything.

People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up. You’re somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named Jeff Pedophile Nazi Doctor. Oh, he’s a doctor?

We should definitely talk about the women in the Trump administration. There’s Kellyanne Conway. Man, she has the perfect last name for what she does: Conway. It’s like if my name was Michelle Jokes Frizzy Hair Small T–s.

You guys gotta stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. All she does is lie. If you don’t give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie. It’s like that old saying: If a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree?

Incidentally, a tree falls in the woods is Scott Pruitt’s definition of porn. Yeah, we all have our kinks.

And, of course, we have Sarah Huckabee Sanders. We’re graced with Sarah’s presence tonight. I have to say I’m a little star-struck. I love you as Aunt Lydia in “The Handmaid’s Tale.”

Mike Pence, if you haven’t seen it, you would love it.

Every time Sarah steps up to the podium, I get excited because I’m not really sure what we’re going to get: you know, a press briefing, a bunch of lies or divided into softball teams. “It’s shirts and skins, and this time, don’t be such a little b—-, Jim Acosta.”

And I’m never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders. You know, is it Sarah Sanders? Is Sarah Huckabee Sanders? Is it Cousin Huckabee? Is it Auntie Huckabee Sanders? Like, what’s Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Oh, I know: Aunt Coulter.

We’ve got our friends at CNN here. Welcome, guys, it’s great to have you. You guys love breaking news, and you did it. You broke it. Good work.

The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles.

Fox News is here. So, you know what that means, ladies: Cover your drinks. Seriously.

Trump is so broke.

[AUDIENCE: How broke is he?]

He grabs p—ies ’cause he thinks there might be loose change in them.

Here is Colbert’s alternative reality video:

5 thoughts on “Michelle Wolf and the White House Correspondent’s Dinner

  1. I think she did a pretty good job of it. The profanity kinda made it hard to digest, but once you go back and get into what she was saying and how she was saying it you could see that it was well crafted. "Cousin Huckabee"

     I see there was a big swell of outrage about Michelle making fun of Huckabee's physical appearance, but when you analyze her exact words you realize she's only drawing out already formed perceptions in people's minds. I know for myself I've previously referred to Sarah Huckabee as Ma Kettle and it wasn't directed at her looks..it was more to her countenance and demeanor.. Sorta like the expression: you can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. 

    When she gets the boot from he current job she should consider a job as a jammer for the San Francisco Bay Bombers. She looks to be a natural.

  2. Some of the material was good but the delivery wasn't. The audience wasn't into it – that never helps a comic. 

  3. I may be considered a prude but personally I didn't care for the vulgarity.  It seemed more appropriate for a different venue.  But then I didn't watch it, only basing my opinion on reports of it.  And I am 78 yo so consider me more sensitive. 

  4. I thought it was hilarious, vulgar yes but no less vulgar than Trump?

    Swami: "Ma Kettle" good one! I call her Sour Sarah, she just has a down in the doldrums way about her?

Comments are closed.